It was a strong feeling, lust always is.
It deepened when we shared unclad photos of ourselves..
He was long, full and brown. He wasn’t excited yet he looked that enormous, I wondered what he would enlarge into when he was actually turned on.
That photo was cherished for many days.
I sent mine,with a cringe.
Still, I found myself, right after feeling embarrassed over the last photo sent, posing for another one, for him.
I made sure to get all the right angles… and I felt sexy.
But nude photos was not all we shared, we also shared photos of ourselves doing different things during the course of the day.
He particularly sent many photos, he was a fine chocolate man who had no problem showing himself off.
I liked getting those photos, they didn’t come because I asked, they came because he wanted me to see him, and that was always a nice feeling.
I was glad, felt extremely guilty, but still, glad. To have whom I could freely tell things to was nice. He got stuff, and I didn’t hold back on the information that I passed across, I bared my soul to him, in a way I rarely did with anyone, with the hope that he would understand and be there.
Our conversations were now a combination of the moral and immoral, when we weren’t sharing a part of ourselves with each other, we were talking about the things we wanted to do to each other’s bodies.
Like me, Clayton was not completely okay with what he felt, my divorce wasn’t final so technically, I was still married, as was he.
As the weeks rolled by, I sensed a withdrawal, it was like, he wanted to ‘unfeel’.
We told ourselves we weren’t going to happen, for obvious reasons and so decided to ditch the erotic photos and sexting.
But I liked the dream, it was the least that I could have so I wanted to keep it, to continue to have those sensual conversations, it was like a good book- unreal yet too enjoyable to put down. But Clayton was a practical man, he didn’t see the point in continuing to talk about something that was never going to happen, a conversation that only left him hard and my inner thighs wet.
So we dropped it
But that didn’t last very long.
He had moments of relapse and I was always welcoming. ‘Cheap talk’ was how I saw it. Cheap talk with a man I liked.
We revisited our desires, dropped it, revisited, and dropped it again!
We went back and forth, all the while continuing to be good friends.
The distance between us was our greatest savior, he could have flown into Chicago if he wanted to, but he wasn’t very keen, and I wasn’t going to leave my job and my sons to fly to San Francisco either, so we stayed apart, 2,989 kilometers away from each other.
If we were in the same space, we would have had each other, likely more than once, we both knew.
“I am coming to Indiana, Gary specifically” he said to me in November.
“Oh!” I replied. “That’s less than an hour’s drive from here”
“Yep” he concurred and I imagined him nod his head “It’s my mum’s birthday”
“Oh!, I see”
“That’s a lot of ohs”
I chuckled slightly, “I know, I’m just…when are you coming?”
“Oh! wow… okay…”
“Y-your entire family is coming right?” I imagined that they would since it was his mother’s birthday.
“No, my wife is feeling a bit under the weather and the kids only just saw my mother. Tomorrow is not the actual birthday anyway, we’re simply having a formal celebration”
“I will be coming with my brothers”
“Okay. How long will you stay for?”
“Two nights, I’ll come in tomorrow, have my rest, go to the house the next day and leave the day after”
“Sounds like a tight schedule”
I don’t remember much of what we said after that, but I remember us playing with the idea of meeting, I was playing for sure.
We talked about who would come to see who, how that would fit into his plan, until we decided on me making the trip and he asked how I was going to get there.
There were two options open to me: I was either going to take the bus or rent a car
I decided on the latter.
“Let me know how much that would cost” He said to me and It dawned on me at that moment that this trip was actually going to happen.
“Okay” I obliged, and hung up the phone.
I dialed my friend Malika.
“Hey girl, wassup?” I said as soon as she picked.
She hissed. “Girl I’m pissed!..”
“Why, what happened?”
“It’s DeShawn, a-again!” she emphasized.
“What he do this time?”
“He didn’t show up for Tariq! He was supposed to come pick him up for the weekend, and he ain’t here! I told that nigga I was gon’ be working late tonight..”
“Now I’m gonna have to drive Tariq, all the way to my grandma’s, and get myself back to the club, how the hell Ima gon make that happen and not be late?”
“That’s messed up” I murmured.
“I swear to god if that nigga flakes on me one more time, Ima call up child services on his black ar-rse!”
“I told you to handle that situation a long time ago.” She hissed and I could see her roll her eyes and twirl her locks. “You still love him don’t you?”
“Psh! Girl, ain’t nobody love nobody” she scoffed.
“Girl you can’t even lie”
“Whatever Ashley, wotchu want?”
“Alright so listen, I need the number of a reliable car hire company”
“Where you going?”
“Who you know in Gary?”
“Girl yo ass is tryna get sneaky”
“No is not, do you got the number or not?”
“Aii, I gotchu! I actually do know a few, I’ll text you right away”
“Aii, thanks girl”
Three minutes later, I got her text, she sent two numbers and I called the very first.
“When you want it?” the man at the other end inquired.
“One day trip?”
“I’ll return it tomorrow”
“What kind of car would you like?”
“Are you up to 25 years old ma’am?”
“You got a valid driver’s license and a credit card ma’am?”
“Yes I do”
“Alright, we will need you to come to our office for verification and to fill out the paper work”
“Can I come right away?”
“Sure, we’ll be closing in an hour”
“I will be on my way, text me your address”
“Alright ma’am, will do”
I pulled on a high waisted denim shorts, wore a white tee shirt, knotted the back, and held up my weave up in a bun. I slipped on a flip flop sandals and headed out to the address that now sat in my phone.
I got to the destination ten minutes later. I asked around for Trey which was the name of the man I had earlier spoken with.
I was led to him.
He took me into his office, I filled in my paper work and texted Clayton the amount charged.
I followed Trey into the garage to choose a vehicle of my choice.
I found one I liked, got into the driver’s seat and tested my hands on the steering wheel.
“You like this one?” Trey was asking.
“Yeah, this will do” I confirmed and stepped down from the vehicle.
A notification from Clayton came as I was walking back with Trey to the office.
I made a deposit and left with the vehicle.
As I drove back to the house, I thought about how this was all happening so fast.
I didn’t have time to do any other thing, change anything, but that was okay, I was gonna take myself to Indiana anyway.
When I woke up the next day, I assisted mum in getting the boys ready. We all had breakfast together and I personally saw the boys off to the bus, I was doing much better by this time.
I waved them goodbye, walked back into the house and got into the shower. I had a warm bath, stepped into my room and started to get dressed.
I thought about what would happen when I got to Indiana, Clayton had told me last night that he was lodging in a hotel and suggested that we met in the lobby, but I thought his hotel room would be more comfortable.
It was pre-booked, so he gave me the hotel address and the name on the reservation.
Even though I was attracted to Clayton, I made up my mind that this was going to be a casual visit, nothing we had talked about was going to take place.
I was sure that I was going to be able to resist him. I just needed to remind myself that he was married, we didn’t love each other, no fairytale was gonna come out of this and I did not want to be his ‘one time thing’.
With these thoughts, I selected the most non stylish panty amongst my under wear, a tight shape wear and wore both on.
The shape wear was going to be hard to get off, which was the idea, and even if that came off, knowing I wasn’t wearing a fancy panty would be my second deterrence.
Satisfied with my plan, I searched for a full cup bra, still trying not to look sexy, but I didn’t have any of those, so I went for the half cup, which was unfortunately sexy.
I wore a skirt and a flared arm top, paired with black heels. I took my laptop because I was going to be working when I got there if his flight hadn’t arrived yet.
I looked like I was going for a business meeting.
I grabbed my purse, the car keys and walked out of my room to my mum’s, she was fast asleep. I dropped a note by her bedside and climbed down the stairs and out the front door.
I got into the car and typed the address into the car GPS.
I brought out my phone to text Clayton then remembered that his flight took off earlier, so I dropped it and turned on the ignition.
The car came alive and I set myself in motion.
I wasn’t nervous, not yet. I didn’t really think of anything either, except that I was going to see him in a few.
GARY, INDIANA, USA.
I pulled up at the Hampton Inn and Suites, which was the address Clayton had earlier given me.
I alighted from the car and made my way through the entrance and to the front desk.
“Hello, I’m asking for Clayton Smith’s reservation?” I spoke over the counter to the man in uniform seated below.
“Is he expecting you ma’am?”
“Yeah but he isn’t here yet. He’s asked me to wait in”
“Please hold on for a second” he said, eyes staring keenly at his computer screen and fingers working on the keyboard.
As I waited for his confirmation, I heard a car pull up in front of the hotel building.
Footsteps and voices followed as the entrance door behind me slid open.
I looked back over my shoulders, and in walked Clayton
To Be Continued…