HER FIRST.

2008.

Susan Ayankele’s slender figure sat nervously at the edge of Mike’s Vitafoam mattress, dropped on the bare floor of his apartment.

She pressed her lean legs together and exhaled heavily.

Here she was, a nineteen year old, hundred level student in the apartment of a popular final year boy. She would be the envy of her friends right now! The seniors would be jealous and definitely want to hate her, but all that was far from Susan’s mind as she intertwined her fingers uneasily.

She was about to lose her virginity to a boy she barely even knew. It made her nervous, scared, and uneasy, but her mind was made up.

She had to do this.

She wasn’t going to let Callistus have the one thing she held in dignity, the only thing he hadn’t misused so far.

He had taken for granted everything she gave him – her love, her loyalty, her devotion, he flung each one of those acts back to her face by ignoring her time and time again, calling her once or at most, twice in a week except for when he needed her help, barely texting her, even when she did text, not replying her texts.

She had given him her allowance and when she was out, taken money from her father’s wallet countless times to help him out.

She had left dishes unwashed at home just to be with him. She had cared, listened to his problems, cheered him on yet, he treated her so poorly…

Her Motorola phone chimed besides her, it was Mike.

She picked it from the neatly laid mattress. “Hello?”

“Babe…” Babe? She had only known him for two weeks and he was already calling her babe?  “..I’m so sorry for keeping you waiting but I’m on my way, I’ve submitted the project to my supervisor. You will soon see me”

“Okay” she said. On his way back, a few minutes away to losing my innocence.

She swallowed hard.

“I hope you are comfortable o?” He went on.

She glanced around the room as if she was only just getting there. The small room was quiet except for her racing heart and the white ceiling fan spinning steadily above her.

Dbanj’s fall in love played at a reduced volume on his sound system, reduced because she turned it down the moment he stepped out.

“I’m comfortable” she reported.

“Okay, I’m coming.” He hung up, but she continued to hold the phone to her ear, impulsively.

This wasn’t the way she imagined her first time would be. She had imagined it to be on her wedding night, with her husband.

Everyone back in Secondary School said boys valued girls who were virgins, they said if you were a virgin, your boyfriend would cherish you, they said he would “not joke with you“, so why didn’t Callistus cherish her?

They had shared many kisses in his one room apartment, he had smooched her, licked her nipples, caressed her body, she  let him touch everywhere but her folds and he was her only one, she thought that was enough, that should have counted for something, yet on that gloomy Wednesday morning, he pulled a straw that broke the camel’s back.

She was supposed to travel to the village with her family, she and Callistus bade each other goodbye the day before, sharing sloppy sweet kisses.

He thought she had left town, she thought she would too, but, she fell ill, so ill that her parents had to postpone the journey.

Her mother took her to the hospital and she was placed on some injections that she had to take for the next three days.

She went for her injection the next day feeling weak and drowsy. But in her weakness, she thought to surprise Callistus, so instead of going home after her injection, she demanded that the bike man ride her first to a supermarket where she bought a card and some snacks for him, then to his apartment located miles away.

She was so sick she had to lean against the bike man as he sped through the tiled streets.

They got to Callistus place, she paid the bike man off and trudged to his apartment. It was locked which meant he wasn’t in.

She checked the flower pot by his door, it was where he always kept the key. She found it, unlocked the door and let herself into the small space.

She collapsed into the bed, dropped the wrapped presents on the floor and dozed off almost immediately.

 

__

An abrupt kick to her feet jolted her out of her sleep.

She laid still.

The kick came again, this time, more aggressively.

She slowly opened her eyes to see Callistus standing at her feet, wearing an irritated look.

Next to him was a girl, older than Susan, she had this wry smile on her lips and her hand in Callistus.

“Wake up” He ordered.

Like an obedient child, she slowly sat up in the bed.

Callistus and the girl lowered themselves unto the rubber carpet.

“Susan meet Jane, Jane, Susan.”

That wasn’t how he usually introduced her. What happened to meet my baby, my girlfriend, my future wife? He always used endearments when introducing her to his friends, so why the sudden change.

The girl whispered something into Callistus ear and he smiled warmly at her. She said something else and they began to converse in low tones, heads bent, chuckling and blushing at each another.

Susan watched on in utter disbelief, and embarrassment. She was right there, yet they were acting like they were all alone.

Her man had not asked her how she was doing, why she didn’t travel, nothing.

She wanted to cry, but she held it in. She wasn’t going to let it come to the surface, not here.

She picked up her little gift and held it out to him. “Take, I bought this for you”

He collected it, gave it a once-over look, then flung it to the corner of his room. “Thanks” he said, hesitantly.

That was it! She had to leave, she wasn’t wanted here.

Planting her hands down to the bed, she pulled herself to her feet.

“You want to go?” He asked. She could hear the carelessness in his voice and that just stung her heart.

“Yes” She replied, avoiding his handsome face. She couldn’t bear to look at him.

Four Years of break ups and makeups, four years of hurt but this? What he did today was the height of it all.

He stood to his feet and she moved past him, holding unto the wall as she went.

He followed her outside and walked besides her without saying a word. He wanted nothing more than to have her gone – she could feel it.

They got to the main road and there was an almost filled bus calling for final passengers.

Feeling very thankful that she didn’t have to stand by the road to wait, especially besides him, she climbed into the bus and collapsed in the chair with a thud.

She felt so sick.

She shut her eyes tightly, as if to wade off the effects of the chloroquine. Then slowly,  opened them.

She turned her head to the side and watched Callistus through the window as he took long strides in the distance, each step taking him further away from her.

He was going to be with her – the other girl. Definitely have sex with her since she couldn’t give him that.

Whoever said men cherished virgins must have been mistaken and she, Susan Ayankele was done keeping this virginity!….

 

“Hey!” A sweaty Mike called breathlessly as he entered into the room.

“Hey” she forced a smile, finally placing her phone to the bed.

“How far!” He dropped heavily besides her, panting. “The way I rushed ehn” he dragged a finger over the beads of sweat on his forehead then shook it out.

He rubbed her slightly exposed lap. “How far?” he repeated.

“I’m good” she responded, taking in his fair handsome face.

She ran into him at the campus’s mami market last two weeks, and there and then, decided to loose her honor to him.

She didn’t love him. She didn’t even know him but that was exactly how she wanted it to be.

She was done keeping the so called virginity. No man valued it, not really. What they wanted was sex, sex not abstinence.

She would be getting back with Callistus – they always did, he would come begging and she would not be able to resist him, but this time, she would go back as a deflowered girl.

It would give her great satisfaction knowing that she lost it another man, another man and not him, and she hoped that knowledge would hurt him just like he hurt her all these years.

He would know because she planned to text him with that information, immediately after the act.

“Sorry o, I didn’t mean to leave you like that”

“Stop apologizing, it’s fine” He had left  barely moments after she arrived at his place.

“Okay” He rose from the bed. “Let me shower quickly, I’m coming”

“No problem”

Mike pulled his red shirt over his head, and Susan looked away at the sight of his bare chest.

He got out of his jeans leaving on only his blue boxers.

He snatched his towel from his wardrobe door and flung it over his shoulder. “I’m coming” he said and walked out of the door.

The bathroom sat at a corner in the compound, it was shared by him and two neighbors.

Susan knew they was no way she would go in there to clean up after they were done.

Taking that minute walk to the bathroom would mean someone would see her, and that someone would know that she just had sex and that was a chance she was not willing to take.

Mentally exhausted from all her thoughts, she fell backwards, unto the mattress.

 

****
A slightly wet Mike walked back into the room and Susan quickly sat upright.

He stood over her, patting his hair dry. “How far?” He said rhetorically.

She didn’t bother responding this time.

He moved to his wardrobe, spread the towel on its door and reached for his Bodman spray. The sweet scent filed the room as he sprayed it over his body.

Finished, he joined her on the mattress.

An awkward silence ensued.

Susan was nervously waiting for him to make the move and Mike laid there with his back to the wall, letting minutes tick by, only because he didn’t want to seem in such a haste.

But he was keeping track of time alright, his eyes were watching the small clock hung on his wall.

Recently heart broken by the love of his life, he turned to sex in fix the hurt. He was hitting it every weekend – had many girls on his radar – random girls, and today just happened to be Susan Ayankele’s day.

At exactly eight minutes, he said to a still nervous Susan. “Come na”

She obliged by moving closer to him.

He gently pulled her down to him so that she was now laying supine. Mike raised his upper body and brought his face down to her pretty babyish face.

Her heart raced. She hadn’t come this close to a guy since Callistus.

She swallowed hard, willing herself not to think of him in that moment.

Mike pecked her lips and she shut her eyes, parting her lips to enable him further entrance.

He slid his tongue in and she let him kiss her, her hands staying put by her sides.

It didn’t feel amazing. Callistus would have felt amazing…he always did.

Mike lifted her arm and dropped it over his shoulder, an effort meant to engage her. She got the drift so she circled her second arm around his neck, unintentionally wishing it was Callistus kissing her.

…..He knew just how to kiss her lips, how to touch her.

Mike knelt over her and begun to undress her. He got rid of first her pink top, then her blue jeans followed.

Susan lay still like a lamb, waiting to be slaughtered.

He stepped away from the bed to his sound system, ejected Dbanj’s CD from the player and replaced it with a disc of Celine Dion. Satisfied to have set the mood right, he returned to her side.

He removed her bra and began to nibble at her nipple.

Susan’s body relaxed as familiar sensations swelled within her.

The first moan she gave charged Mike to tug down her panties and hurriedly, his briefs.

Her eyes stayed shut, deliberately.

He returned to kissing her lips and fondling at her breast, but like every anticipation, her mind waited to be taken by him.

Mike reached under the mattress for a condom.

He pulled one out and with his teeth, tore it open then rolled it unto himself.

He spread her legs apart and lowered himself just enough to go inside her..

“I’m a virgin!” she announced, fear clouding her eyes.

Mike froze. “What? You mean you’ve never had sex before?” he was surprised, almost unbelieving.

She nodded, sheepishly.

Excitement lit up in his eyes, replacing his astonishment. He didnt think he would ever find a university girl who was a virgin.

This new discovery was thrilling. “Don’t worry, I will go slow” he said, suppressing his joy.

“Will it hurt?” she was terrified. She had heard many stories about this experience, some said she would bleed a river, others said the pain would be so intense but the moment he got in, a wave of heightened pleasure will overtake her and she would become a woman, a real woman. Her friend had termed it eating the forbidden fruit, she said that once it was over, her eyes would open just like that of Adam and Eve’s in the bible and she would see life in a whole different light.

“Not much” Mike lied. “Just try and relax hmn?”

With a now different mindset, he pushed himself into her vulva

“Jesussss!” Susan shrieked.

“Sorry” he said, withdrawing.

He let her catch a breath for a few seconds then plunged at the tight vulva again.

Susan’s legs trembled violently.

Mike stopped.

He spit on his fingers and rubbed it in her folds.

Susans eyes were shut tight, legs barely staying open. Mike pushed them apart and made a third attempt to penetrate.

Her upper body joined the trembling of her lower body and she began to sob so gravely

“Jesus, Jesus,” she chanted. “help me!”

The excitement that Mike had felt gave way to pity and he knew he couldn’t go on.

He lifted his body off hers and pulled out the condom.

“What are you doing?” Susan’s eyes shone confusion.

“It’s paining you na, so no need” He said before slumping his butt to the bed.

Being with a virgin was more work than he had imagined. The girl was making him feel like he was doing something terrible, so terrible that she had to call on Jesus to save her.

“No no no no” Susan objected, jolting to sit up straight. She placed her hands on his knees “You have to continue” she pleaded.

She had a mission, to get deflowered so that Callistus would not have that part of her, a part he clearly didn’t deserve, not that Mike did but between the two men, Mike was a lesser evil, at least he didn’t break her heart.

“Susan don’t worry, another time”

“No Mike, it has to be today”

“How na? when you’re in pain?”

“I will endure, I promise” she was adamant for she had no plans of seeing Mike once he had fulfilled his purpose.

“Ignore my cries”

“Ehn?”

“Yes! even if I’m shouting, just do, just chuck it like that, please!”

“Are you very sure?”

“Yessss!” she dragged. “completely!”

He cocked his head to the side and shrugged. “Okay o”

Susan shifted back into the bed and laid face up.

Mike came over her and began kissing her lips, and her breast.

They fore played for some minutes until he was engorged and ready to go.

He spread her legs apart.

“Where is the condom?” she asked, observing he wasn’t wearing any.

“That condom contributes to the pain, lets just do it like this”

That didn’t sound right. Fear immediately overtook her. “What if I get pregnant?”

He laughed dismissively. “You won’t. I will withdraw”

“B-but what if….”

“Don’t worry,” he was stroking himself, determined to keep his erection through this unexciting conversation. “Nothing will happen”

Susan decided to believe him, just to get it over with. After all, he did mention it would hurt less this time.

“Okay.” she murmured, then parted her legs.

Mike held them apart.

He applied some saliva to himself and lowered down to her.

“Just relax” he said. “think of something fun, take your mind elsewhere” He prepped a very terrified Susan.

Her eyes were tightly shut like those of one determined to see no evil.

“Relax” he said with the tip of himself at her entrance.

She cringed, anticipating the pain.

“Relax..” He pushed in.

“Ahh!”

“Sssssh, just relax” He pushed again

“Oh my god no! its too painful!!” She flapped her hands at him.

Remembering her words to keep going no matter what she said, he pinned her hands to the bed and with a final shove, dug past her hymen.

“Je..su..sssss!!” she loudly shrieked.

Mike groaned at her very tight walls enveloping him.

He began to plunge back and forth, his waist gallivanting in and out of her.

Susan was whimpering now.

Her body was no longer shaking but she wasn’t relaxed either.

The pain resonated in her mind, more psychological now than physical.

“Agggggh!” Mike groaned, then he went stiff.

He exhaled heavily, let her hands go and withdrew from her.

Susans heart jumped. She leaped upwards as she recognized what may have happened.

“Did you come inside me?!” she panicked.

Mike regretful nodded, sitting on the bed.

“But you said you won’t!” she complained. Now I’m going to get pregnant, my parents will kill me. Hei God!” Her torso fidgeted, palms slapping against each other.

“Don’t worry, there’s this drug I will buy for you, nothing will happen” He was yet to recover from the sweetness of her firmness.

“But how can I believe you after what just happened? A-a-an-d what if, w-what if it doesn’t work?” She stuttered. “hei God I’m finished!”

“Susan chill, it’s just postinor, my sisters use it all the time, it will work.”

She was not convinced.”Mike you shouldn’t have come inside me, you shouldn’t!..you even promised”

“Susan behave na, haba! you’re a big girl now o”

And then she remembered that she was no longer a virgin.

She didn’t feel like her eyes had opened to a different world like Adam and Eve.

She checked herself for blood but there was almost nothing, she had expected to be in a pool of her own blood, certain that it was how it worked.

“What is it?” Mike inquired as she continued to search the bed, and herself.

“H-how come I didn’t bleed?” she asked, so full of innocence.

Mike shrugged, rising to his feet. “I don’t know? Maybe it’s not every girl that bleeds”

“Have you slept with a virgin before?” she asked, eyes wide-set, hoping for reasons she couldn’t explain that she was his first.

“No” Mike answered as he grabbed a trouser from his wardrobe and wore it to his waist. “Get up, get dressed, lets go and buy that drug. The earlier you take it, the more effective it will be”.

Susan rose to her feet, feeling sore in her vagina area.

Mike helped her put on her jeans and she proceeded to wearing her top.

When they were done clothing themselves, they headed out to a pharmacy with Mike leading the way.

She was ashamed to step into the pharmacy to buy such a drug. How would the people there look at her?, so she stood outside, under a shade and waited for Mike to do the dirty work.

He emerged from the pharmacy with the drug and a sachet of pure water barely minutes after he went in.

“Take, swallow it now” he said, handing her the water and a single pill. “You’ll take the other one after twelve hours”

Susan glanced both ways to be sure no one was watching them, as if anyone could have known the exact pill she was holding by just looking at her.

“The way this drug is tiny, will it work?” she was skeptical.

“That thing you are seeing as ordinary is very powerful o, forget the size, it works very well”

She gave Mike one final look before placing the pill on her tongue and gulping some water.

Mike glanced at his wrist watch. “It’s 3pm, set alarm for 3.am so that you will wake up and take the other one. It has to be 12 hours o” He emphasized. “But I will wake you sha”

“Okay.” She pulled out her Motorola handset from her jeans pocket and Mike fiddled with his Sony Ericsson, both setting alarms.

“Thank you” she said afterwards.

“You’re welcome. Lets go”

She threw the now half sachet of water away and strolled to the main road with Mike.

He hailed down a bus, paid for her fare and waved her goodbye.

 

******
She wrote Callistus a two page text from the bus, enumerating how hurt she still was by all the ways he had wronged her, closing with the information that he would never have her virginity as she just gave it to someone more deserving and now he too would know how she felt seeing him with that other girl the day she was supposed to be surprising him.

With a satisfied smirk, she clicked send.

She got a delivery notification almost immediately.

She waited for his reply.

 

The reply didn’t come while she was in the bus.

It didn’t come when she got home.

And it didn’t come even the next Month,

..but her monthly period did.

 

THE END.