It’s hard just thinking about it.
It was a Friday in September. That Friday started off like any other day, Ene and I woke up, had our baths and rushed out for Lectures.
We returned afterwards, prepared lunch, ate and relaxed on our beds.
As we lay engrossed with our phones, she informed me about a party she had to attend later that night and asked that I go with her, I didn’t really know the celebrant but for lack of a better way to spend my Friday night, I agreed and tagged along.
It was an in house party with a small and cosy crowd. The sound of the resonating music filled our eardrums as we politely excused our way through the crowd of guests.
We trudged our way further into the sitting room and found a half full couch, we filled it up, pulled out our cellphones and began punching away.
Most of the guests were on their phones as well, until I took it upon myself to make everyone interact better with each other, so I dropped my phone and became the life of the party – I brought the gist and soon, everyone keyed into it.
As I sat there, talking and carrying those around me along, he walked in. I still remember his steps – precise and slow, with his shoulders slightly hunched forward. He took the seat adjacent to mine.
A relation of the celebrant passed him a bottle of wine along with a disposable cup, he nodded gratefully to her, turned a portion of the drink into the cup and drank from it in spare sips.
Then, he looked at me with the most beautiful set of eyes I had ever seen. He had those sluggish eyes that looked like he was falling asleep, lashes so long they curled upwards.
He smiled at me with his small lips closed, I broke into a smile back at him and he nodded in acknowledgement.
I kept on talking, and he didn’t stop staring. Every time my eyes met his, he would refuse to look away.
I became conscious, conscious of the blue skirt I had on that sat way above my knees, conscious about my orange sleeveless top that fit closely to my full breasts, maybe too closely?.
I began to hope that my skirt was not too short and that my hair was not too old and that I was sitting right.
I worried, for the sake of the handsome man who wouldn’t stop looking at me.
He took my number before the end of the night, introducing himself as Ross.
I returned to the hostel with Ene, feeling really glad about the events of the night.
He texted me the next day and I texted him back.
As we exchanged messages that made me smile from ear to ear, he asked that we worship in his church the next day which was a Sunday, together, I accepted.
That Sunday morning, he picked me up from my hostel and drove me to his church at Wuse zone 2. It was a lovely service but I was having butterflies just standing next to him.
When church ended, I went along with him to watch a match in my pink long dress that fitted closely to my body, with a slit that cut past my knee.
We talked as we watched the TV screen, I didn’t care much about matches, it just felt nice been there with him even though I wasn’t sure what we were doing or how I really felt about him yet, I just knew he was good company.
When the match ended, we retired to his apartment, he cooked me a meal and watched as I ate up the delicious food.
We returned to the sitting room and there, we talked about music, hobbies and interests. It was wonderful realising that we liked similar things. We even laughed at the same things.
His gaze never shifted from me as we chatted, he was like a child who had met Santa for the very first time , I could tell by the way he looked at me that he really liked me, and there and then, I decided that I liked him too.
On my third visit, I was laying on the couch with my head resting in his laps, we were talking and giggling about something.
I shifted in the couch until I sat upwards with my body leaning against his. He turned my chin to him and placed a short kiss on my lips. He laughed and said, “that’s our first kiss” I laughed too.
He kissed me again, this time, it was long and intense. I moaned against his lips, enjoying the manner his tongue played with mine.
He reached underneath my blouse and cupped my breast through my bra. I let him undo my blouse as I hungrily straddled him.
Our lips found each other again and his hands won’t stop feeling my round brown breasts.
He unclipped my bra and let the full globes fall into and overlap his palms, he squeezed them and I melted at the touch of his fingers on the most sensitive part of me.
He rubbed, tweaking the nipples as he went, I was so wet. Our kisses got sloppier as our passions heightened, I could feel his hardness pushing against me.
He roughly put his hands underneath my butt and lifted me off the couch with him. He carried me to the dinning table, swiped one hand over the items on the marble top causing them to fall shattering to the ground, but we didn’t care.
He placed me on the edge of the table, unzipped my jeans and hurriedly ruffled them along with my panties down my legs and off my body, I almost could not wait either.
He pushed my legs apart and buried his face in between my heated thighs, he ran a tongue against my juices, causing my eyes to roll back into my head, I moaned softly.
He ate me up with such expertise, sending tingling sweet sensations all the way to my spine. I spread my legs wider, rubbed his head and nudged him on with my hands and waist as I rocked against his face.
He got to his feet and let me taste myself off his lips. I held unto his neck and plunged deeper into the slightly salty kiss as he wrestled his trousers off of him.
He flipped me over the way you flip a pancake, I arched down for him, spreading forward my hands on the dining table.
He plunged his long full length into me, groaning huskily as he pushed himself deeper into my cleft, I shut my eyes, enjoying the thickness of him. He crossed his arms over my curvy butt and rode faster in and out of me.
Our soft cries filled his warm sitting room.
I came first. He spurted his warm cum inside of me and collapsed on my back.
I passed that night in his house, it was too late to go back to the hostel, but more than that, he didn’t want me to, so I stayed.
We cuddled in his big bed, listened to some old songs and made sweet love through the night.
Morning came and he asked me to stay another night and I did. I would go on to spend five days in his house – those were the happiest five consecutive days of my life.
I felt complete joy and satisfaction. I felt undiluted excitement. We were always laughing, sharing, gisting, he understood the way I reasoned, he understood the way I played with words – something not everyone could get.
He was deep, an old soul just like I was. I was over the moon to have found someone who’s soul danced with mine.
We went everywhere around the house and out of the house together, it was like he couldn’t bear to have me out of his sight, and honestly? I couldn’t either.
One morning, I woke up with body pains because I didn’t sleep right, he had this black massage chair on his corridor, he set it up for me and as I sat in it and enjoyed the full body massage the chair gave me, he stood by me, watching – he always stood by me in the days that I spent with him.
If I let him, he would have had every shower with me as well but, a girl needed some time to herself.
He didn’t let me miss lectures, he would drop me off at school and go to work, then pick me on his way back to his apartment.
We were like Siamese twins, we stayed glued to each other’s sides, he listened to every word I spoke as if his very life depended on it, I could say twenty words and he would remember the very first thing I said, it was amazing!
The way he looked at me made me weak at the knees, I would catch him staring all of the time, I could tell by the look in his eyes that he adored me.
I fell in love with him the way you fall asleep, slowly, and then all at once.
On the fourth day, he informed me that his parent’s were coming to town and would be staying at the house, I quickly suggested that I return to the hostel but he asked me to stay. I did and I met his parent’s.
They were warm and sweet, his mother wasted no time in giving me “the interview”, she made statements that suggested that she thought I and Ross should get married.
I laughed it off because I didn’t think we were ready, but I was very happy to have his family like me, I didn’t expect them to, not so easily at least.
I felt like I was living in a fairytale – everything was going so fast and effortless.
I insisted on going back to the hostel on the fifth day. He didn’t want me to, his parent’s didn’t want me to leave either, but I did anyway.
I went back to school a happier girl – the grass looked greener, my coffee tasted sweet, people’s jokes sounded funnier.
There was a laugh in my eyes and a waltz in my walk, I was in love!
Ross’s office transferred him to Port Harcourt and he had to leave Abuja almost immediately.
I was sad, really sad, he looked sad too as I drove him to the airport.
Our relationship became a distant one but we kept communicating.
My birthday came and he was too loaded with work to come down to Abuja, so he sent his brother to come stay with me in his stead.
His sister whom I had gotten aquatinted with after I left the house stayed on the phone with me that day.
She didn’t live in Nigeria but she talked with me all the time, and so did his family.
Everything was just perfect.
Ross and I stuck to our phones. I looked forward to his calls which came everyday and then one day, he just stopped calling.
At first I thought it was a one day default but that day turned into a week. I would send him text messages but he wont reply. When I did call, he picked and promised to call me back but he never did.
A week turned into weeks. I didn’t understand it. I asked him why but he wouldn’t reply any of my messages. I don’t know which hurt more – not knowing why or the fact that I missed him.
His sister stopped texting too.
I was besides myself with sorrow, I fell into a deep depression. One day when I couldn’t handle the hurt anymore, I packed my bags and left for the village leaving my phone behind. I needed to go somewhere I could be alone with my thoughts and away from all that reminded me of him.
Graduation came and I went on from the University to serve. I tried to focus on other things but I couldn’t stop thinking about Ross.
It didn’t make sense, how could he come into my life, make me feel all those wonderful things and then walk away like it never meant anything?
I was heart broken.
Eventually, I stopped calling and texting him.
I was lying in my bed, trying to sleep when my phone came alive besides me.
I picked it up to read the blinking notification, it was him. He wrote me a message on Whatsapp.
I opened the text and it was long and grammatical. All I could deduce was that he had things he needed time to deal with.
It didn’t make a lot of sense, there were too many unanswered questions, but part of me was grateful to have been given a reason. I felt like, at least I knew why now and I could move on.
We didn’t talk again after that.
A friend of mine in Port Harcourt was getting married , I went for the wedding. Her house was full so I opted to stay in a hotel.
I thought about Ross and fiddled with the idea of calling him, I didn’t want to call and be turned down but I didn’t want to not try either, so I picked up my phone and sent him a text, letting him know that I was in Port Harcourt.
He replied to my surprise and we agreed to meet up later that night.
I looked forward to it. I couldn’t wait to behold his face again. I wanted to ask him what exactly happened, I wanted to show him how angry I was, I wanted to bare it all to him. But when he knocked at my hotel room that night and I opened the door, words failed me.
He had come with some friends and a brother, I wondered if that was an effort to avoid being alone with me, but I was happy regardless.
We hung out in my room talking and having a few drinks, nothing much could be said between Ross and I because we were not alone.
We all decided to go out and sit somewhere, the men went downstairs to the car and waited for me while I got dressed. I wore a tight fitted brown dress that accentuated my curves.
I wanted to impress Ross and show him all that he was missing out on.
We went to two places that night, first we had dinner and then we went to the club. All that time, he held my hand in his.
We smiled warmly at each other and whispered into each other’s ears, it was almost like nothing ever went wrong.
When I needed to pee, he accompanied me to the loo and waited outside while I did my business. It was a wonderful night even though we were yet to have the talk.
At the end of the night, as we went around dropping off his friends, I hoped in my heart that he won’t drop me off too and bade me goodnight.
He dropped everyone off and drove to my hotel, I alighted from the car, he got out and came after me. I was glad, finally we could have that talk.
We got into the room and he laid out on the bed almost immediately. I went into the bathroom, took a shower and brushed my teeth.
I got out to meet him still lying in the same position. I climbed into the bed and sat up right, we had been talking, all night but we weren’t really talking, there was an elephant in the room that needed to be addressed and I was tired of going around it.
He laid there, eyes shut and leg shaking against the mattress. He knew I was going to ask and he was probably waiting for me to go on.
It was awkward, been there together yet, not in each other’s arms. I didn’t like that at all.
I braced myself and calmly asked him why he walked out of my life without even saying goodbye. And that was when he told me that he was having a baby by someone else.
He also said that he heard that I was seeing someone else and all that made him to withdraw into himself.
It was that short and simple.
Many questions sprung into my mind, I wanted to ask him why he did not ask me about the rumors, when people hear thing’s about the people that they care about, they ask them, so why didn’t he talk to me about what he heard?
How was it that he believed the source and passed his verdict without even given me a chance to defend myself? None of it made sense.
I was hurt about the baby too but surprisedly I didn’t mind, I was willing to be it’s step mom.
I wanted to know if he loved her, I wanted to know if he wanted to be with her, but I didn’t ask him any of those questions because I was not ready for the answers – I didn’t want to feel anymore pain, not that night at least.
His eyes were still closed, he didn’t look like he wanted to continue the conversation. Ross was a man of very few words, I knew that and so I didn’t want to push it , I was leaving port Harcourt the next day after the wedding and I would rather spend the little time we had making happy memories.
I missed him, my body missed him, I hadn’t been with anyone since the day he touched me, I needed him to touch me again.
He got up from the bed and walked into the bathroom.
I got in under the sheets and laid there, browsing on my phone. When he emerged from the bathroom, he got under the sheets but he didn’t touch me.
I had my back to him and I didn’t move either. It was so strange! How could we go from sharing so much to lying there like strangers? We were just holding hands earlier that evening so why won’t he just make a move?
The heat between my thighs was getting hotter, the Air conditioner was not making it easier on me either.
I edged backwards pretending to be adjusting my position then stopped. Heart in my mouth, I edged back again.
It was weird, me making the move.
I turned over and rested my head against his chest, he stretched out his arm and welcomed me in. We lay there, quietly.
I snuggled closer into him and raised my face to his. He lowered his head and met me halfway.
He slid his tongue hungrily between my lips turning me around so that he was on top of me.
We kissed sloppily with his arms running all over my body.
He reached both hands under me and scooped my butt cheeks, then he removed and yanked my night dress to the floor. He placed both hands on my breasts, scooped them together and sucked at my nipples, alternating between each breast like a starved child.
He really did miss me too.
I couldn’t stop moaning, it felt so good. My thighs dripped with so much juice.
“Make love to me Ross” I moaned hungrily.
And as if waiting for the approval, he parted my legs and drove his staff into me, I threw my head backwards in pleasure, holding unto him as he gave me pleasure with every plunge.
“I missed you so..o.. much Ross” I cried, feeling over whelmed with pleasure.
He buried his face in the crook of my neck and dived in and out of me like his very life depended on it.
“Don’t stop Ros_s_ss” I begged. “Don’t ever stop”
“I can’t” He groaned. “I won’t”
And he didn’t until we both reached our climax.
Exhausted, we laid in each other’s arms and drifted off to sleep.
In the wee hours of the morning, we woke up and began kissing each other’s bodies.
He quickly bent me over and filled me up with pleasure again.
He went home afterwards, throwing a two finger salute to me from the door before he turned around and walked away.
I went back to Abuja after the wedding, I felt happy. I didn’t know if we were going to speak to each other again but I hoped we would.
He called me a few times and then he stopped. Again.
It stung hard. I was tired of the pain.
I decided to channel my energy into my work and kept an open mind at meeting someone new, I really wanted to fall in love and share my life with someone, but I didn’t like all the men who were coming my way, none was good enough for me.
I was very specific, I wasn’t going to be with just anyone, I wanted someone who’s soul would dance with mine, someone with whom I would have prospects of building a family with.
But, I didn’t meet anyone who fitted my specifications and so I stayed single and alone.
A Year went by and my office transferred me to Port Harcourt. My friend who had lived there was now in Chicago with her husband.
I needed somewhere to stay while I sorted out my accommodation, so reluctantly and with no one else to call, I called Ross.
He immediately agreed that I come live with him in the mean time.
He was waiting for me at the airport as I landed. He held out his hand to give me a shake the same time I tried going in for a hug.
We settled for the hug and got into his car and began to drive to his place. We didn’t say much, we just listened to the music playing on the stereo.
I was with him again, this man that I loved.
We arrived at his place and he helped wheel my suitcase to his bedroom – the room where we had made love, shared laughs, watched movies and just loved each other.
“Thanks” I said to him, lowering myself unto the bed.
He smiled. “Let me excuse you to undress, I’ll be in the parlor”.
Huh? You don’t need to leave, you can stay, But I didn’t say that. I nodded instead and said “Okay”.
I sorted out my stuff, cleaned up a bit and had something to eat.
When night fell, I had a bath, wore my best night wear, sprayed some cologne and laid in bed, waiting for when he would join me. I was eager to be touched again, by the man my heart beat for.
He didn’t come, not that night, not the night after.
We lived everyday like strangers, saying the littlest to each other.
It was hard, extremely hard. I would sleep in his bed alone every night. I touched myself to the thoughts of him when he could have been by my side, touching me.
The silence, the distance was tearing me apart, I wondered why he let me come over if he knew he was going to be this cold to me.
What did I ever do wrong?
Some nights I cried myself to sleep.
I decided to make the bold move of calling him for a talk, and he came carrying a straight face which scared me. He sat in the chair and I began to fumble with words.
“What’s going on?” I asked nervously.
“How?” he asked back without as much as a side glance at me.
This was hard, I wish I didn’t have to have this conversation.
I shrugged. “We go around everyday here without really saying much to each other. You are cold”
“No o, there’s nothing o” he still didn’t look at me.
“Is there something that I’ve done wrong?”
“No o, there’s nothing”
He wasn’t going to give me anything I soon figured, it was best to stop probing.
I didn’t say anything further. He sat there for some more minutes and then rose to his feet. “There’s a movie I was watching. Let me go and finish it”
He walked out of the room and shut the door behind him.
The search for my place intensified after that. His place was far from my office anyway and It was tedious going to work everyday from there.
No matter the day I had at work, I came back to a cold house and a man who didn’t want me. It was extremely painful.
But I loved him, still.
On the night of his birthday, I couldn’t take the loneliness anymore, I stood by his door, contemplating whether to go in or not.
I toyed with the idea for over twenty minutes and then finally, damned all reason and knocked lightly at the door.
“Yes?.” he answered from within.
I pushed the door open and walked right to the bed.
He shifted, making room for me to climb in. I got into the bed. He was watching a movie on his Microsoft tablet.
“What are you watching?” I asked , focusing my eyes on the the screen.
A female character on the screen lunched towards a man and plunged her long teeth into his neck. I cringed and turned my head to the side.
He smiled. “You dey fear abi?”
“I don’t like horror movies”
He turned off the tablet and pushed it aside.
I slid further down into the bed and he went straight for my breasts. H bundled them in between his palms and began to caress them.
I made him lie down. I was going to take him into my mouth when he just stopped.
He got up from the bed to the bathroom and stayed in there for so long that I left the room to mine.
What just happened?
I was confused and I felt rejected. Going down on a man was a big deal to me, I could only do that to someone I loved.
I cried that night.
I left his house two days after.
I made the decision to channel my energy into my work, but it didn’t matter what I did or how hard I tried to forget, thoughts of him lingered still.
I tried to forget him, I really did. I recited to myself how much better I deserved, told myself to be angry and use that anger to shove him out of my mind, it didn’t work.
Somehow, I couldn’t get mad… I couldn’t unlove him.
Many times I would stare at my phone hoping, praying that he would call me, just once, or text, to ask me how I was doing, but he never did.
I’ve replayed it many times in my head, all that happened, possible reasons why it happened.
The only conclusion that seems reasonable to me is that I was his fling, a momentary fling who caught feelings.
Maybe he wanted to love me, he may have even tried to, but he didn’t. Which is why he could afford to be so cold and inconsistent.
I missed him, the memories of those five exhilarating days he gave me. And I hurt, over the subsequent progressive pains he brought upon my heart.